My Unprofessional Reactions and Reflections: The first 25 thoughts to go through my mind while watching 84th Academy Awards
Preface: It is truly magnificent that I can sit on my couch under my snuggly blanket with my scraggly-looking hair and watch beautiful people . . . who have spent hours (or days) getting ready for this soiree. In case my thoughts are too . . . well . . . provoking . . . don’t worry! I’m not judging, just enjoying the performance. Also, I am only allowing myself only 25 thoughts. . . one for each of my years.
1.) Tim Gunn admitted to be wearing body-shaping undergarments.
2.) One of the most talked-of dresses was also one of the most uncomfortable people in red-carpet interviews, Rooney Mara. . . so there’s hope for those slighly awkward people out there! She’s lucky to get compared to Audrey Hepburn, though. Ignore my commentary on her awkwardness. It’s probably just jealousy.
3.) George Clooney’s Mom is in GOOD shape. . . and watching the “mominees” was all sorts of warm and fuzzy.
4.) Tina Fey rocks my face off. She’s hott. She’s funny. She talks about fanny-packs while on the red carpet. She demands things of Billy Crystal. Enough said.
5.) Colin Firth is still a dashing old man. Also, try saying “Tinker Taylor Soldier Spy” three times fast with an English accent. . . it’s fun.
6.) Jean Dujardin. I must comment on him because he is French and I am a French Teacher. I know nothing about the poor man, but he seemed a little at a loss for words. I’m so glad he clarified his views on stardom: “I’m not a puppet, I’m an artist”. . . such an original stance. I DID however, like his appreciation-points on Living in America: He loves turning right on red, seeing “the American faces”, and (drumroll please) . . . the cinnamon rolls. Plus he still kisses hands. Which is classic.
7.) Michelle Williams wore a fuchsia version of coral. Michelle is a gorgeous little pixie of a person, but to be totally honest the dress wasn’t anything to write home about. On the other hand, I am obsessed with the bow-brooch at her waistline!
8.) J-Lo, my dear, I thank God for dress tape, on your behalf.
9.) Wow. For a minute I thought Nick Nolte was Jack Nickolson and I was surprised by how much he had aged. But once the name flashed across the screen, I felt a little more relieved.
10.) As for Zach Galifianakis’s interview, well, his awkwardness definitely spoke to the fact that he’d never been at an awards ceremony before, but it’s okay. He may not have an Oscar, but he’s been forever immortalized in song by Hott Chelle Rae. Thanks to the current tendency to over-play the top 20 on hit-radio stations, song trumps golden statue ANY day as far as getting recognition in real-life!
11.) I’m not always Penelope Cruz’s biggest fan, but must say that I was PUMPED too see her rock the old school Hollywood glam, particularly with her hair.
12.) Cameron Diaz (and Gwyneth Paltrow, for that matter) must sleep in formaldehyde. On a somewhat related note, it made me very happy to hear that Cameron Diaz and Gwyneth Paltrow got ready together.
13.) Jason Segel might be my favorite red-carpet interview. It’s funny to think about movie stars being star-struck themselves . . . I like thinking about that!
14.) Watching the briefcases enter, I sort of wondered what would happen if one of the stars went NUTS and just tackled the accountant-carriers to the ground. OR, even better, what if MULTIPLE stars tackled them? It would be incredibly epic.
15.) George Clooney seems surprisingly cool in interviews, doesn’t he? The way he describes the Oscars made me think of prom. Too bad he didn’t win best song.
16.) Brad Pitt: We all know you’re hott. Just cut your hair.
17.) I seriously like Sandra Bullock. I feel like we go way back. She and I approach getting dressed up the same way: “WE ARE HAVING SEXY TIMES TONIGHT!”
18.) Robyne Robinson seems pushy.
19.) I love Emma Stone. So much. Someday, Sandra Bullock, Emma Stone and I will all hang out. Oh, and Tina Fey. It will be as it was always meant to be.
20.) I thoroughly enjoyed the “Winners Walk with Tom Hanks” portion of the evening. Tom Hanks is magnificent. Says “I’ll be danged”, gets paparazzi to wave at/mug for the camera . . . just utter magnificence.
21.) HAH! Brian Grazer openly admits that they’re doing tequila shots in the back to “calm their nerves”. Good thing Don Mischer isn’t doing shots with the crew in the TV truck.
22.) Morgan Freeman, when you walk out on stage and you make that inside-joke point out to somebody in the crowd, I WANT TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE POINTING AT! Seriously.
23.) These are the thoughts that ran through my head during Billy Crystal’s Introductory Movie Magic.
George Clooney just kissed Billy Crystal.
“Have fun stormin’ the Fuhrur!” was a nice Princess Bride nod.
Tom Cruise? What???
I’m so glad Billy Crystal pretended to be TinTin. And that there was a nod to Harry Potter fans.
What are they going to do for a host when Billy Crystal dies?
24.) The Makeup Oscar: I wonder if Edith Head is turning over in her grave being quoted on modesty by Jennifer Lopez, whose nipples I kept expecting to make their own appearance.
25.) Best Supporting Actress: Christian Bale: I always forget your accent. You sexy, sexy man. Octavia Spencer, you are stinkin’ adorable.
. . . And now I cut myself off. I will enjoy the rest of the show & the far-above-average commercials sans written commentary.
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