If I Ruled The World. . .

There is a certain comfort in knowing that my students view me as a zany character. . . so I knew that it would likely be a colorful response when I asked them to create imaginative hypothetical situations where I am the Queen of the World. It gave me something to look forward to reading while grading their final exam. And what did I discover? My reign will definitely go down in history as . . .  well, lets just say, I will be remembered by several titles.

Abby, Benevolent Purveyor of All Hitherto-Unattainable Ideals

According to one student, my reign will be nothing less than a paradise. I will achieve happiness and good music for all, not to mention universal bilingualism. Oh yeah, and while I’m at it, I will eradicate world hunger and poverty. To top it all off, I will singlehandedly eliminate political strife, shallow movie stars, and negative advertising.

What he wrote:

Si Abby devient la reine du monde, nous aurons tous de la bonheur. Tout les enseignés auront deux langues, le national et le français. Tout le monde sera nouri, et la musique sera très bonne. Les pauvres nations d’Afrique, d’Amérique, et d’Asie auront les richesses pour leurs peuples. Nous n’aurons plus de vie politique, ni de vedettes sans talent, ni des publicités méchantes. La vie pendant le règne d’Abby serait comme un paradis.

Abby, Great Domesticator of The Wild Moustaches

According to another student,my reign will be characterized by the great war between humanity and moustaches. I will lead humans to victory, and the now-domesticated moustaches will become house-pets for my thankful people.

What she wrote: 

Si Abby devient la reine du monde, il y aura du désordre. Les moustaches attaqueront le royaume d’Abby, mais Abby les conquerront. Après la guerre, Abby domestiquera les moustaches, et, dorénavant, les moustaches seront les animaux domestiques dont tout le monde en aura . . . et tout le monde aimera Abby bien. Si Abby devient la reine du monde, ça sera un monde fou!

Abby, the Last Queen of the World

This student believes I will be promptly assassinated by an evil frog overlord named Vincent, who will subsequently become the king of the word, and then, in his paranoia, destroy it.

What he wrote:

Si Abby devient la reine du monde, Vincent la Grenouille l’assassinera. Si Vincent l’assassine, il deviendra le roi du monde. Si Vincent devient le roi du monde, comme il est paranoïaque, il pensera que le peuple ne l’aime pas assez. Si Vincent pense que nous ne l’aimons pas assez, il nous attaquera et le monde sera complètement dévasté.

Abby, the Stylishly Zany and Devout


Apparently, according to this young lady, I will wear an incredibly new dress on a daily basis (she knows me well)! Society itself will be transformed into a delightfully zany version of a Disney Film. This student’s only concern was that the evil frog overlord, Vincent, might gain too much control, since I will have many temples to him in my castle.

What she wrote:

Si Abby devient la reine du monde, elle portera une nouvelle robe incroyable chaque jour. La société deviendra comme un film de Disney, mais plus bizarre. Abby serait une bonne reine, pourvu que Vincent La Grenouille ne contrôle pas trop les affaires de trône. En tout cas, le château d’Abby aura beaucoup de temples pour apaiser Vincent la Grenouille.

Abby, A One-Continent Dancing Queen

One student decided I would be a party-queen extraordinaire, spending all of my nights dancing. I would also bring all of the continents together into one great continent, which I would subsequently assign homework.

What she wrote:

Si Abby devient la reine du monde, elle créera un jour pour fêter la joie de vivre. Elle dansera toutes les nuits. Elle unira et joindra tous les continents. Elle donnera les devoirs à tout le monde.

Well, there you have it! My students think this is my future as queen.

I guess it’s a good thing it’s up to Kate M. . . Huh?

Job Titles

I am a teacher.

That word comes with lots of baggage. The word teacher makes some people all warm and fuzzy while throwing others into PTSD flashbacks.  Add to that the fact that I am a  French teacher, and it garners some interesting reactions.

Actually, there are really only two major responses to the revelation that I am a French Teacher.

Typical Introductory Conversation Type 1

Me: Hi! My name is Abby!

*shake hands*

Person A: Hi Abby, I’m Person A! So, Abby, what do you do?

Me: Oh, I teach high school French!

Person A: *awkward pause* Oh. I took Spanish.*

*please note: this is interchangeable with “Oh. I failed French.” or “Oh, then I guess we have nothing in common.”

Typical Introductory Conversation Type 2

Me: Hi! My name is Abby!

*shake hands*

Person B: Hi Abby, I’m Person B! So, Abby, what do you do?

Me: Oh, I teach high school French!

Person B: Oh really? *sketchy french laugh* Voulez-vous couchez avec moi*??

*please note: this is interchangeable with literally ANY french phrase that Person B has ever heard before and retained. Examples include (but are not limited to) “Parlez-vous français?” and “Où est la bibliothèque?”

Do you see what happened there?

Really, Either situation leaves the Abby in the situation in a little bit of an awkward social position, don’t you think? It’s like Person A thinks we no longer have any common ground because of my language affinity, while Person B is trying to force common ground by spouting random words (and occasionally unintentionally soliciting). Maybe I should just make up a new job title? Hmmm.

Romance Language Coach plays into too much innuendo.

Francey-Pants Extraordinaire doesn’t sound like a real job. Neither does  Paid Language Nerd, for that matter.

Francophone Guide is too pretentious.

Language Spreading Plague-Rat is just too menacing.

I’m drawing a blank. Any other ideas?

Whatever my job title may be, the reality has already garnered some interesting mottos. One of my students recently made my day by saying “French Class; Where People Find Happiness”. That’s my favorite.

There are, however, other (less savory) options that arise just as organically. One immediate example comes to mind. Sometimes, to try to make vocabulary more interesting, I post videos for my students on YouTube.com. One time, I decided to be particularly helpful/entertaining and I assembled this video:

There I am, trying to make things more engaging for my students, right? And some other French teacher must’ve decided to use it as a resource, because months after we’ve finished talking about it in my class, I got an e-mail notification from YouTube.

That’s me.

Abby, French Teacher

Making the School Day Harder, One Lesson at a Time.