The Worst Habit of them All

If you’re looking for a new hobby and have considered:

A. Excessive & Regular Consumption of Alcohol

B. Smoking (anything habitually)

C. Gambling

D. Auditioning for a Role on a Reality TV Show Such as Sister Wives

E. Moving to New York or Hollywood to be an Actor

F. Being a Professional Internet Fangirl

G. Indulging in Shopaholic Tendencies

H. Doing Drugs

. . . well, look no further.

Because as completely unfulfilling and detrimental as all of those may sound, I think, over the course of the last two years, I have discovered one seriously overlooked bad-habit hobby that will cap them all. That’s right, I have found the most expensive and least rewarding hobby of them all; being perpetually (but not terminally) sick.

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Don’t scoff. You might think that one of the other habit/hobbies listed has greater potential to go catastrophically long, but I submit that perpetual poor health might just cap them all, due to its complete and utter lack of the immediate gratification factor. Each of the bad-idea hobbies listed above has an admittedly-horrendous typical outcome, but usually with some short term rewards (however un-beneficial they truly might be long term). Being sick is different. Let me explain. As someone who has been consistently sick for the past two years (truth), I feel that I have some experiential insight that may just shed light on my (involuntary) hobby.

Why Perpetual Sickness Tops them All:

1.) There are no short term benefits.

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When you’re sick, there is no money, no power, no fame, no warm fuzzies, no good feelings, and no social perks which result. You don’t get any kind of “high” or “buzz” when you’re sick, and there are no cute clothes to show for it. Socially, nobody wants to be around someone who is coughing, sneezing, vomiting, gasping, feverish or in any other way symptomatic. Maybe you’re thinking: Oh come on, that can’t be true, I get attention when I’m sick, and I get taken care of.  FALSE. Not when you’re a single adult, you don’t. Maybe you’re thinking “But every once in a while, a sick day is nice!” NOPE. Not when you’re a teacher who loves her job, you don’t. You could even be thinking: “At least you get to sleep, watch TV and eat comfort foods when you’re sick.” Well, I don’t know how you define “sick”, but if you can do all three of those things hunky-dory, I think you’re doing it wrong.

2.) Friendships get Iffy

At first your good friends & loving family are worried about you. . . they send get well cards and come visit, or chat with you on the phone and tell you that they really hope you feel better soon. After the first five different viruses or infections, however, they start to lose interest. I mean, you can hardly blame them. You never attend their parties anymore, you don’t really go out, so there goes that connection. Ultimately, they feel ditched by you, or like you always blow them off. You look like a jerk and all but the best of friends wind up losing touch.

3.) It’s expensive

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In the past three days alone, I have spent over $100.00 on prescriptions and doctors visits. I’m thinking about starting to collect prescription bottles, so many of them are floating around my apartment after these almost-two years. Regardless, there have been many many hundreds of dollars spent on treatments and, at the end of the day, I’m still sick.

4.) You get Fat. 

The Circus Fat Lady

 

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Well, actually, your weight might just fluctuate at first, but if it lasts long enough, then you get fat. See, since all your activities become limited by your complete lack of energy, you wind up living an extremely sedentary lifestyle. Which, after a few months, and even more after a few years, causes you to begin to put on the pounds, no matter how little you eat.

5.) You feel (and look) like crap.

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This last point may seem a little redundant, but after your fiftieth round of antibiotics and dragging your butt through daily routines (because life doesn’t stop when you’re sick). . . you barely have the energy to put on real clothing, much less try to make something attractive out of your hair and face. So on top of the extra pounds (because there’s no energy to push yourself through a gentle walk, much less a workout!), you wind up looking very slapdash and even haggard. Not exactly something that draws others to you.

See what I meant?

Sure, many things could be worse, but I think as far as time-sinks go, I have inadvertently stumbled upon a lesser known and extremely effective bad habit. Am I wrong?

(For the record, I am being highly sarcastic in this post, and should not be taken too seriously. Any extreme offense given was unintended, and I blame it on the mixture of sudafed, mucinex, z-pack, flonaze, antihistamines, and 90 degree heat!)

Dear Tonsils,

I know we’ve been in this together for a while now, but I just feel like this isn’t working anymore.

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The truth is, we’ve both made mistakes. I spent too much time at work with my students and threw all of my other efforts into grad school instead of our relationship upkeep. That neglect is really what lead to my ill-advised fling with Mono a few years back. . . And I think our doctor is right, maybe its the residual Mono issues coming between us. Regardless, though, it just doesn’t seem like we’re gonna make it much further together. It’s time to go our seperate ways. Don’t feel bad. We’ve had a good run,  you and I, but we just can’t seem to move beyond this toxic stage of our relationship. I thought when we started going to the Doctor that things were going to get better, but it seems like whatever quick fixes people throw at us, we don’t seem to be able to pull through without one of us still hurting.

It seemed like what works for you is always the opposite of what works for me, you know? You loved the sulfa treatment, but they just made me feel like I couldn’t breath. That’s no way to live. I thought we might be able to make it through, in sickness like we did in health, but when I found out you spent all of those months with Strep, it was the straw the broke the camel’s back. How could you spend all of that time together and try to keep it off my radar? Like I wouldn’t notice?!  But whoever is to blame, I think it’s time to make things official, Tonsils.  I’m not saying it won’t hurt, because that would just be naive; I haven’t gone through this with tonsils before, and we’ve been together a long time. Ultimately, though, we’re going to be better off without eachother; healthier.  Please try to understand.

Best,

Your Person

p.s. I would really appreciate it if you could cool it with the passive aggressive attacks on my health between now and our appointment. April 9th is not so far that we can’t be civil, and I don’t think I can handle any more of the pain you keep bringing.